Law school is like training wheels for law practice. I don’t mean that they teach you the law or teach you how to practice law or anything like that. What I mean is that they teach you how to handle your alcohol so that you can be a functioning Big Law attorney. Or, at least, that’s what I’ve been told by my elders.

In undergrad, I briefly dated a 1L at my undergrad’s law school. He would take a shot of Jäger almost every night before bed, just so he could sleep. Often, he wouldn’t have time for dinner or movies with me, but he would invariably call me from a bar, drunk, at least two or three times a week, even during Appellate Brief week. Last I heard, he’s a successful attorney, so there must be something to it.

The law school actually encourages our drinking, having student organization sponsored “Bar Reviews” every Thursday and having weekly on-campus beer and hors d’oeuvres events after class. Not that I’m complaining. Not in the least. I absolutely love being able to leave Con Law, skip across the lawn and talk Evidence while drinking a foamy PBR. (Slight sarcasm there… I think they serve Miller Lite or something. But it’s always foamy, I don’t know why.) And then beginning in December, law firms start inviting students to cocktail meet-and-greets where we all awkwardly stand around (for the first bit anyway, until you’ve had enough wine to stop feeling awkward) asking “So… what attracted you to such-and-such firm? Oh really? That’s interesting. Please remember me when it comes time to hire summer associates! *wink*”

What I was told by 2- and 3Ls during my first week here was that the school sponsors these events so we can build up our tolerance, so we don’t make idiots of ourselves at cocktail receptions. Later, we need to have a tolerance for alcohol so we can be functioning alcoholics, working our asses off during the day (and some nights too) and drinking our asses off at night without worrying about hangovers (you know, so we can be productive the next day). In order to finish law school, you have to give $150k and your liver.

I don’t know how well I’m doing at this part of law school, though. Last night, I got ridiculously loopy on three beers. And I woke up with a hangover.